Look at what Nick doesn't get to suck on anymore!
You know, like most media whores I tend to wonder about whether it's a sigh of relief or a devastating blow for Nick Lachey to finally rid himself of the shackles of marriage to Jessica Simpson. Let's face it, these titillating photos of her at a cancer benefit must remind him that he no longer gets to tag that ass. So, just for shits and grins, let's weight out the pros and cons of divorcing Jessica for Ol' Nick, shall we?
PRO: He can now make out with strange girls at high school football games without fear of reprisal.
CON: He no longer gets to titty-fuck THIS:
PRO: He's got to be happy about not having to explain shit to his wife, like how hot dogs aren't made from actual dogs, or why his cum isn't as salty as Johnny Knoxville's or her father's.
CON: Let's face it, this is a great set of tits.
PRO: No more lying to his sister-in-law about how great her songwriting skills are, and having to put up with her bleating out the lyrics like a dying seal.
CON: You just know doing anal with a firm grasp on her floppies is Heaven on Earth.
PRO: Two words. TV Specials.
CON: I bet she's the type of girl who can be convinced to be given a Hot Carl at least once.
PRO: Getting the covers stolen from him on a cold, wintery night. Hey, that just sucks, I don't care WHO you are.
CON: Have I mentioned how fantastic her tits are?
There you have it. By my views the cons are clearly the winner. Way to fuck up there, Nick...
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PRO: He can now make out with strange girls at high school football games without fear of reprisal.
CON: He no longer gets to titty-fuck THIS:
PRO: He's got to be happy about not having to explain shit to his wife, like how hot dogs aren't made from actual dogs, or why his cum isn't as salty as Johnny Knoxville's or her father's.
CON: Let's face it, this is a great set of tits.
PRO: No more lying to his sister-in-law about how great her songwriting skills are, and having to put up with her bleating out the lyrics like a dying seal.
CON: You just know doing anal with a firm grasp on her floppies is Heaven on Earth.
PRO: Two words. TV Specials.
CON: I bet she's the type of girl who can be convinced to be given a Hot Carl at least once.
PRO: Getting the covers stolen from him on a cold, wintery night. Hey, that just sucks, I don't care WHO you are.
CON: Have I mentioned how fantastic her tits are?
There you have it. By my views the cons are clearly the winner. Way to fuck up there, Nick...
RELATED POSTS:
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