A little something Salma Hayek needs to know about Jude Law. [NSFW]
Psst, hey Salma. Yeah YOU, is there anyone else around here named Salma? There's something I thought you might want to know about that Jude Law fella you've been seeing lately. No, it's not about his crazy ex-girlfriend Sienna Miller; everyone knows about that. It's about Jude Jr. It's small. I mean REALLY small. 9-year-old fat kids would point and laugh at that thing. He's packing only slightly more than Tom Cruise's character in Born on the Fourth of July, and that's me being generous in my statement.
Look honey, I know you're probably one of those types that believes it what's on the INSIDE that counts. Clearly you don't worry about what's on the outside, seeing as how you dated that chinless and pasty Edward Norton for a while. But even you have to worry about pleasing the g-spot. And unless yours is roughly two inches outside of your body, I believe you've got a major problem.
You've got just about the most perfect body in the entire world. Hell, I even let down my anti-unibrow guard after seeing your performance in the full frontal furburger-fest that was Frida. Now all alliterations aside, you deserve much more manliness in your companionship. I'm not saying it should be me, but if that's how you read into it I'm sure my wife won't mind. I'm just saying if you enjoy staring at small and slightly-covered weiners, there's a kolache shop down the road.
I just can't imagine that a sweet piece of ass like THIS...
could be interested in a shrinky-dink like THIS...
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