It seems that The Dixie Chicks popularity isn’t as impressive as they’d like. Looks like after coming back out after a few years of silence they are again trying to gain exposure by bashing The President, Unfortunately for them not even an appearance on the Howard Stern Show was enough to jump start their careers.

Angelina Jolie and Brad “Pussy Whipped” Pitt recently sold their new born baby’s photographs for 4 million dollars. Supposedly that money is going to charity, but who knows. They are also denying rumors of them planning their wedding, which if it pays anything like their baby photos, could be closer than we all think. But who really cares if they get married. As it stands Brad is just Angelina’s puppet, and as soon as she gets bored with the strings she will cut them and Brad will go tumbling back down to the ground.

Sigourney Weaver heads back to Africa. Good maybe she will stay there this time.

Oprah buy a custom jet that seats up to 10 people. The 10 people part was a gimmick, it could seat 10 people but will mostly just seat the butt of an overweight loud mouth black woman who likes moon pies.

Alanis Morissette and her fiancé have called off their wedding so that she can focus on more important issues at hand, like, well, ummm, me! I’ve been wanting to bag this women for years. Yes, I know she’s Canadian but she’d be the first Canadian that has ever parked herself on the U.S.S Mr.Penis.

Nicole Richie goes crazy and sprays photographers with her bottle of water, I wonder now what she will have for lunch and dinner?

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In a neverending melee of proof that Tom Cruise is a dumbass, his alternative medicine consultant is now about to be indicted for fraud, grand theft, and malpractice. It seems Feline Butcher referred a liver cancer patient to an unlicensed physician who told him to stay away from chemotherapy and charged him over $150,000 in what was basically snake-oils and sugar-pills. Butcher, a staunch scientologist (hence her affiliation with Cruise,) seemingly led the patient and his wife to believe the guy was actually licenced. Now, for starters, I'm not a big fan of the concept of alternative medicine, especially when it comes to fighting cancer. Sure, there's nothing wrong with drinking green tea and alkaline water, but that should be coupled with the more effective ways of fighting cancer. Anything else should just be there to increase appetite and help strengthen the immune system after regular chemo treatments. I'd also like to point out that the bitch's name is FELINE BUTCHER. You'd have to be fucking nuts to take advice from someone whose name is synonymous with CAT KILLER.

I'm sure Scientology has nothing to do with this whole ordeal, but I'll be fucked if that doesn't just sink the religion THAT much closer to being equated with the likes of cults such as the Branch Davidians and Jim Jones' Koolaid Crew. Why can't people just accept the fact that being a nudie pagan is the way to go? There's something to be said about smoking hash and hanging out butt-naked in the forest...


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Despite many esteemed Hollywood busybodies incessantly bitching and moaning about it, the Governator has decided Stanley "Tookie" Williams is still deserving of death by injection, which he'll be facing tomorrow. Naturally we're going to be faced with an onslaught of human interest stories, questioning the morality of the death penalty. And several interviews from over-opinionated celebs who don their asshats and attempt to explain why Tookie's change of character should grant him clemency (or maybe I should say should HAVE granted him clemency.)

I hope he has learned his lesson, actually. That's kind of one of the three points to imprisonment in the first place. But does his decision to not kill anymore make up for the fact that he murdered four defenseless people back in 1979? Fuck no it doesn't. Frankly, I understand he doesn't really even show remorse for his actions. I can't stand it when people think that just because a murderer has a change of heart while awaiting execution, they should not be killed. I remember this cute girl I knew back in my hometown that I really wanted to bang talking to me about how she thought this woman who got the death penalty for taking a pickaxe to her ex-husband and his girlfriend should be granted clemency because she "found God." I told her that was good, because she's getting a much speedier opportunity to meet him, and the only shit I care to hear out of that bitch's mouth is "BZZT." I totally blew any chance of getting tail from the girl, but it was fucking stupid as far as I was concerned.

Well, Tookie, looks like your number's up. Try not to shit yourself too much...


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Kirsten Dunst claims she can relate to the character she's protraying in Sophia Coppolla's new biopic about Marie Antoinette because of all the shit she had to go through while growing up. Says Dunst,

"Everyone was judging her. I can definitely relate to that - starting so young in this industry as I did - growing up in not a very normal way. I can understand why her behaviour was ostentatious."

Actually when you were young, everyone had nothing but good things to say about you. Now we're trying to figure out what the fuck went wrong. She then adds this,

"When you're a girl all alone, fashion and parties become an escape. And she was so isolated. She was in a pretty prison."

Look, the only thing you two have in common is the fact that your brain is seperated from the rest of your body. And unless Marie Antionette had snaggle-teeth and droopy tits, that's about it. I find it hard to believe any actor or actress can understand the details of a tragic life such as the young French queen's. Especially one as spoon-fed and clueless as Kirsten Dunst. Just phone in your lines like you've done in the last few movies you've been in and shut the hell up...


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One of the greatest comedians of our time passed away today from a heart-attack at 65. Despite the final years of his life being rife with suffering from drug addiction and multiple sclerosis, he remained unfettered in his walk through life. His comedic talents have been aped by just about every black performer for the past 20 years, but you know what they say: imitation IS the highest form of flattery. I myself have spent many times in my youth aping his comedy acts, and though I'm sure a lot of the insensity was watered-down to a ridiculous degree by the fact that I'm whiter than corduroy pants and rock-climbing, I always felt his humor was universally accepted. He'll be greatly missed.


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Tabloid magazine The National Enquirer has unearthed evidenced that David Arquette may have "had relations" with a stripper in Atlanta a year after he started dating his now wife, Courtney Cox. Erika Keith claims that after an evening replete with alcohol and naked lap-dances she slipped Arquette her phone number and indulged in a drunken sex romp at her apartment. She also alleges that a photo of him kissing her ample breasts was taken shortly after he gave her Courtney's cock. Personally, I just see this as a frivolous opportunity to get money out of the famous star. Okay, let's be more realistic; She wants his WIFE'S money.

So she has a few photos of him kissing her tits. So what? If they're as ample as the reports claim, and she's letting you kiss on them at an all-nude strip club, what guy in his right mind WOULDN'T consent to having his buddies snap some photos of him getting a face-plant into some hot chick's dirty pillows? I came home one night after hanging out at Caligula in Dallas for my birthday, covered in tit-sweat and lipstick, and bragged to my then-girlfriend-now-wife about how porn star Danni Sexton grabbed my crotch. Of course I was drunker than shit at the time, but I believe I would have told her even if I came home sober. But would I have had sex with any of them? Of course I would have. But there are certain rules against that kind of cameraderie between the staff and clientele. And I at least like to think I'm way cooler than that dumbfuck and could have at least nailed the tall brunette who claimed to like my style.

Okay, my flooded memories of a great night made me wane a little from the point. There's no proof she and Arquette fucked. End of story.


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