I actually respect Gwyneth Paltrow as an actress. But I’m increasingly losing interest in her as a person, because for some god-awful reason everything that comes out of her mouth sounds smarmy and ridiculous. I’d like to think it’s just the media’s way of taking things out of context, but let’s face it; she does it to herself every time she opens her ball-washer. For the record, I don’t have a problem with her choice in a husband and naming of her children. Sure, I don’t care much for Chris Martin’s singing, which reminds me of a cross between Dave Matthews and Tiny Tim, but quite a few people like his music, so ‘nuff respect. And I happen to think Apple is a pretty cool name for a kid, at least for a girl.

That being said, I can at least say I respect her enough to tell her to shut the fuck up, and not sound too much like a prick when I make the suggestion. Maybe she doesn’t realize that there are undertones in her debasing of certain activities that make her sound like an overpriviledged cunt. She thinks it’s degrading for people to go to parties and get drunk, and she hates the fact that Americans only talk about their work and money. I’m sorry, bitch. But having a few too many is how some people party, and we don’t all have the kind of money it takes to pretend like it’s no big deal. Here’s a suggestion: after you shit out your next kid, go take an expensive vacation and while you’re there, read some middle-class laborer’s weblog about how they bust their ass for shit wages. Then if you still don’t understand why it’s a big deal to bitch about your boss over your fifth scotch at a friendly gathering, please take the liberty to sew your fucking mouth shut.

Gwyneth, there’s another thing I’d like to get off my back. You seem to have acclimated yourself way too well in England, because you’re using their lingo way too fucking much. Just because you’ve moved to the UK doesn’t mean you can start referring to getting drunk as “pissed” and your less theatrical movie roles (such as Shallow Hal) as “shite.” Only English people can get away with that shit and not sound like fake fucks. Americans who use English slang sound like idiots, end of story.

Source: Guardian